Aeri Lee
At our worship planning retreat some weeks back, Uncle Ed (Lang) was reading for us the scripture text for today’s worship, the story of Angel Gabriel’s visit to the young, teenaged, peasant girl Mary, announcing that she’s about to become pregnant, with God’s Son no less. Just before he got to the part where Mary gives her answer in the affirmative (as in, ‘Here am I, the servant of the Lord; let it be with me according to your word.’), uncle Ed took a long pregnant (!) pause, which was so totally inspired! That pause jolted us out of the familiar hearing of the annunciation text into truly considering how frightening the news must have been for Mary. What thoughts and questions went through young Mary’s mind in that space between the outrageous call from God and her “YES”?
Indeed what is involved in our own discerning of God’s call for our lives and our “YES” to that call, especially if the call you discern to be from God throws a monkey wrench on your own plans and brings up all kinds of fears and doubts?
Well, a major unexpected call from God in my life was the call to marry Ben. It may not be in the kind of stupendous magnitude as that of Mary’s, but it certainly threw a monkey wrench in my own plans and imaginations for my life. Not only was Ben the first really nerdy, techy guy I’d dated (ie, not my type), when I met Ben, he was sooooo shy that I had to make all the first moves which I had never had to do before. So when our friendship grew deeper and I sensed that God was leading us both to consider marriage, my first reaction was to ask “Really (!?!?), seriously (!?!?!), God?” I packed myself up and went to a retreat in the Santa Cruz Mountains to fast and pray about this for three days. There, alone in a tiny cabin, I poured out my fears and my complaints before God: “What if I have to be the one that has to give and give all my life?” “What if Ben never learns how to express love for me?” “What if I become resentful?” and so on and on….
After a while of this, I sensed the calm voice of God in my heart speaking ever so tenderly. “It’s me that has brought Ben into your life. I will take care of you. I will satisfy all your needs. All you have to do is to love him unconditionally and completely, as you have been loved by me. Do you trust me?” Then I had to say as Mary did ‘Here am I, the servant of the Lord; let it be with me according to your word’. Well, maybe not those exact words, but a definite “YES” to the call to be a blessing for all, together in partnership with Ben.
And now, after 5 blessed, joyous years of marriage, I feel like a ‘most highly favored lady’, as in, I am the lucky one who scored a keeper of a husband. =D
So, going back to the original question, what is involved in our own discerning of God’s call for our lives and our “YES” to that call? Well, for me, it took some wrestling with God, maybe airing out all your concerns and fears, listening carefully to what our loving God has to say, trusting in God’s words, and courageously stepping out in faith. What will it take for you?