"As I express my
gratitude, I become more aware of it. And the greater my awareness, the greater
my need to express it. What happens here is a spiraling ascent, a process of
growth in ever-expanding circles around a steady center." ~Brother David
Steindl-Rast
Years ago, my friend Grace
got into a financial jam. She had bought a one-bedroom condo in the boom years
of the eighties, and watched as the market for condos dropped like a rock. Then
she was transferred to another state and couldn’t get rid of it because she
owed more on the mortgage than she could sell it for. She couldn’t just walk
away from it because the bank would come after the house she and her husband
managed to buy despite the condo. So she rents it out, but the huge mortgage
continues to be an albatross around her neck. Over the years, those who are
close to Grace, including her friend Molly, have heard her express anxiety
about the condo, especially whenever a tenant leaves.
One day recently, Molly
called up Grace and told her that she and her husband had just made a killing
when his Internet company went public, and she was going to give Grace the
money to pay off the mortgage on the condo. Grace was overwhelmed. "You
can’t do that," she said. "It’s so much money." And Molly
replied, "I feel so grateful that my life has been so blessed. I just want
to spread some of the blessings around. I’ve heard you complain about that
condo for years. It would be give me great joy to alleviate that burden on
you." Grace kept demurring, but Molly persisted, and finally Grace
accepted. As a consequence, Molly got to feel the delicious sensation of giving
a huge gift to someone she loved.
And Grace? Not only was she
relieved of the burden of the condo, but she got to experience a sense of
gratitude that spread in all its magnificence into all aspects of her life.
Speaking to me about it the other day, she said, "You know, I have been
blessed with truly generous friends all my life. Molly ended up giving me more
than I needed to pay off the loan. What I would really like to do now is to use
the rest of the money to help my in-laws get out of debt."
Both Molly and Grace have
entered the ever-expanding circle of openheartedness that comes from the
interplay of generosity and gratitude. It doesn’t matter where you enter the
circle—in gratitude or with generosity. But the more you experience one, the
more the other enhances your life as well. You feel grateful, which is the
experience of fullness, and from that fullness you offer someone else
something—an encouraging word, a helping hand—and receive something in return
love—the feeling of connection, a sense of satisfaction or fulfillment that in
turn fuels your feeling of gratitude for the gifts of life you have received.
Few of us will ever be as
extravagant in our giving as Molly, but that doesn’t matter. The beautiful
circle that giving and thankfulness traces occurs no matter the size or form of
the gift.
May you find myriad ways to
enter the circle, particularly during this holiday season.